Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
pray to the hookup gods
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
