I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
