): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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