I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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