All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
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drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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