We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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