Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
