Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
