just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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