Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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