We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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