nut hugger
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
