i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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