sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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