piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize