good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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