Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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