i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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