laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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