dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
