WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
