I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
