I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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