Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.