Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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