Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
