wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
