there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
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Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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