u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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