you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
