He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I could fuck to npr.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
