you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
