just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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