i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
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her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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