Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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