is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize