i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
