I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
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I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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