can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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