I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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