she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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