So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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