She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
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He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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