life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
