you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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