dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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