Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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