Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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