not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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