if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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