I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's official drugs can't kill me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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