you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
