You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
