Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
