It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
