He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
