The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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