he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
