I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hippo gnu deer
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
