I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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