He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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