So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
